Sex is a major part of many people’s lives, especially in their early 20’s. While there is no “right” amount to have, the inability to have any would be a devastating realization for many.
Many women realize that to physically have sex is a painful experience. You might be surprised if this has always been what it feels like for you, but you aren’t alone. One 21-year-old woman revealed on Reddit that she can’t physically have sex.
User the big freak out ski explains in her post, ” I’m a 21-year-old healthy girl, but when I was developing, my body decided I was much too perfect already (joking) and decided to make it impossible for me to physically have penetrative sex until I have a small operation.”
She did not reveal what condition prevents her from being able to have intercourse, but there are several different possibilities.
When Your Body Doesn’t Let You Have Sex
Imagine your vagina contracted and left a male partner unable to ever enter you. That’s what happens for women who have a condition called vaginismus. In cases of vaginismus, which is more of a psychological than a physical condition, the vagina muscles spasm and close when something tries to enter it.
You may not even be able to use a tampon if you have vaginismus. It can be a “learned” response, but it could also be related to urinary or yeast infections. Doctors may prescribe exercises called Kegel exercises to help strengthen and relax the vaginal muscles.
For women who can’t physically have sex, Kegel exercises may be a good way to develop more awareness of that region and reduce the spasms that prevent penetration. It’s also important to check in with yourself and see if there are any anxieties or fears that stop you from having sex.
If you had negative sexual experiences when you were younger, were a victim of sexual abuse or just grew up learning to fear sex, then you may develop vaginismus as a response.
This is nothing to be ashamed of. A doctor can help you address the problem and find solutions. What’s more important is that you find ways to be comfortable and confident in your body while you work through a treatment plan.
Losing Shame and Fear
You may avoid dating because you fear that because you can’t have intercourse, a partner won’t want to be with you. First of all, anyone who respects you and wants to be with you will respect your body. Even if you didn’t have a physical condition, the choice to have sex is a personal one, and you do not have to change yourself for anyone to love or date you.
There are many ways to express love without sex. There are also other physical acts that can be just as satisfying and intimate. Reddit users in the original post all agree that there is no need to be afraid.
“Go out with him! Sex doesn’t have to be the pinnacle of your relationship,” one user said. “If things progress and it gets serious then you can consider telling him to the full extent.”
Timing is everything when it comes to relationships; treat yours with caution, and make sure you put your health and comfort before anyone and anything else. With the right partner, you will be able, be honest, and feel loved no matter how physical you can or want to be.